I have been struggling with the issue of Santa for the last few weeks. This morning, I opened my devotional and there was a small piece on St. Nick which mentioned that today is St. Nicholas Day, so I took that as a sign to mention this to you all today. So what is my Santa issue you ask? First, let me give you some background. Back in the late 70's there was a little girl who loved Santa. I mean LOVED Santa. She started lists for Santa in October. She loved Santa decorations, Santa letters, making cookies for Santa … you get the picture. But when the little girl was seven, her obnoxious older cousin took her up to her aunt's attic two days before Christmas and showed her all the presents waiting to be put out from the non-existent Santa. Ouch. It was an ugly Christmas. Yes, that little girl was me, and I think I cried all through that fateful Christmas holiday. Now, although my obsession with the mythical Santa ended badly, I still love Santa. I love the idea of magic that he brings. The magic that anything can be waiting for you on Christmas morning. I think the tradition of Santa is something innocent, fun and whimsical – traits that are frighteningly lacking in today's culture of growing kids into mini adults by the time they are five. So that is my shtick on Santa. What is the issue you ask? Sarah (6) doesn't believe. Ahh, my heart breaks a little just typing it. The other night Sarah casually mentioned, "You know I think Santa is just some man dressed up. He isn't real." Pete was ready to say, "Yes, you're right Sarah." When I jumped in and defended the little man dressed in red - and there lies are problem. Do we just tell her there is no Santa? I know it may sound silly, but I am not ready to give up Santa. I am not ready for what that says about Sarah. I want her to be an innocent wide eyed little girl who can believe in the magic of this world. I want her to go to sleep one night a year listening for the patter of reindeer hooves. I want her to lie in her bed wondering if maybe, just maybe, she will get that special toy she has been dreaming of, and then have her wake up to it stuck in her Christmas stocking. Is it too much to ask to get just one more year of this innocence? But the flip side of the coin is complicated for me. What is it going to take to get one more year of Santa? Well certainly it is going to take lying to Sarah. It is going to take some active amount of deception that may or may not work. I don't feel very good about that. A few months ago, I read an article in Mothering magazine about a mom who believes (literally) in wood fairies. She so desperately wanted her daughter to grow into a faith in fairies that she thought she would help her along. She had the entire neighborhood involved in creating the illusion that wood fairies were actively involved in this little girl's life. They left her notes and gifts for years. Of course the inevitable came, the neighborhood kids revealed the sceme, and the little girl was absolutely crushed. She lost faith in her mom and felt completely betrayed. As I was reading the article, I was thinking, "this women is completely mad!" Then the author compared her wood fairy obsession with other people's Santa obsession. Well that struck close to home. I don't want Sarah to feel I betrayed and lied to her, setting her up to have her friends make fun of her for believing in something that doesn't exist. I don't want my daughter to lose faith in me. Most importantly, I don't want her to start questioning the stories I teach her. Like maybe that one about the man from Nazareth who died and three days later rose again – you know they say it is just a fairy tale of desperate people. So there is my Santa conundrum. Do I push to have Santa stay, or do I let him go? Please, please send me your suggestions. How does your family handle Santa? I need some advice today from you wise women!
Saturday, December 6, 2008
The Santa conundrum …
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6 comments:
Oh dear! I don't know what to do either! Sorry no wise words here for you friend. My kids are still so young so we haven't crossed that bridge. Joanne? I know you have some thoughts on this....I'll be praying for wisdom on Santa for you, Wendy! Oh, and there is a great Christian kids book on the real Saint Nicholas: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0758613415?ie=UTF8&tag=mustseed0d-20&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=0758613415
Wendy, I may not answer your question but it is something I thought about the other night as I read, "The Polar Express" The little boy and anyone who believed in Santa could hear the bell ring. This little boy who is now an adult can still hear the bell ring. I know it is a fairy tale but part of me still falls into "make believe" during the Christmas season, I love ornaments that say believe it is a reminder of innocence and fun.
I know the Christmas season has a bigger meaning but the rest of the year is so serious and scarry. I guess I just want to believe in the fun and innocent part of Santa. I don't know if I would lie to Sarah but I might evade a direct answer and share all the fun stories and hope that she too enjoys the fun that goes along with believing even if it is the "Santa Experience" she believes in and not "Santa" himself".
unfortunately probably let it go. If she has figured it out then she won't have a horrible memory of when she first "found out" and you won't be creating a big scheme to lie to her.
Hello old friend. It really is special to share this innocent belief with the girls. My girls are still giddy with the mention of his name and I'm sure I'll be sad when they realize the truth. My sister and I hung on to the belief that Santa existed much longer than most kids because we didn't want to ruin it for our brother (8 years younger) and we thought that if we admitted the truth, we wouldn't get as many presents ;)
I agree with the indirect answer, let her believe what she wants to believe, but maybe you could involve her in creating the magic for Emily. She could also be testing you, hoping he's real, but not quite sure. These kids are too smart for their own good!
That is a conundrum. I too share your belief that our children grow up entirely too fast and I want them to partake in what little childhood they have remaining these days. That being said my almost 7 year old flat out asked "Is Santa real?" It never occurred to me that it was hurting my street cred with her. I did think about it, and I have to this day not ever lied to her, but her brother was listening so I had to add tact to the answer. Instead I told her about when I was little and when I thought I heard Rudolph on the roof of Grandma's house. Since I have shared this story with her she had repeated it several times to everyone and had me retell it too. I actually have really enjoyed it with her. I am confident this is her last year believing which makes sharing this with her all the more fun. She made the choice to ask me more questions and doubt his existence or to just believe, which I think is what she wanted from her mother. Did that help at all?
Long Ago, my mom told me that if you don't believe in Santa all you get is socks and underwear for Christmas. I "believed" and played her game for many years. Love, Katy
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