Being a Job 3:12 friend …

Last summer, I read the book of Job for the first time. I knew that Job was the "sad book" of the Bible, but that was frankly all I knew about it. To give a quick synopsis to those who haven't read it, basically the devil believes that Job is only faithful to God because he has a good life, God knows the heart of Job is good, so He allows the devil to wreck havoc on Job's life and test his faith. In a day, Job loses his wealth and all his children. In one stunning blow after the next Job is told that his whole life is gone.
I learned a number of things from studying this book, but one thing that has stuck in my mind is the reaction of his friends. Job has three friends who hear of his troubles and set out to console him. Job 3:12 reads, "When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep out loud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. They sat on the grounds with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was."

Isn't that picture of friendship so beautiful? This is the type of friend I want to be. Job's friends did not call FTD and send a plant. They bore the tremendous weight of Job's grief by being with him. They honored his loss with silence. I often want to fill up sad situations with "doing" instead of "being". I organize armies of friends to deliver meals or babysit a friend's children. These things may be helpful on the surface, but they are nothing compared to sitting in someone's sadness with them. Job's friends did not flitter into his house with a loaf of pumpkin bread, held out like a shield, to keep Job's sadness from penetrating their hearts. No, they wept aloud, tore their clothes and sat on the ground with their friend. How beautiful.
So what did Job's friends do when they finally opened their mouths? Damage. When they stopped purely grieving with their friend, they took on the roles of advisor and judge, much to Job's distress. The friends proceed to embark on long speeches heaping out both judgment and advice, neither of which Job wants or needs to hear. As I was reading Job, I thought "Those terrible friends! Who would do that!" But then my own voice came back to haunt me. At times when friends are in despair, how often have I filled the air with canned expressions of consolation or empty phrases of encouragement? Proverbs 25:20 says "Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart." Ouch. How often have I expressed the need for friends to "buck up and move on" when really I should have just sat in silence.
It seems like grief is all around me lately. My friends are suffering huge losses: cancer, death, unemployment, divorce. I think people would worry about me if I tore my clothes and ran to friends' houses with ash on my head when I hear of their losses. But in my heart, that is what I want to do. That's the type of friend I want to start being; a Job 3:12 friend. I think our world needs more of that type of support and fewer preachy friends with empty words.

I know I am not the only one with friends in need right now. How are you supporting your friends in their losses?