Emily told me this morning that she needed an empty two liter bottle to build a worm farm at school today. My first thought was, it's May. May. I should be in no way required to have an empty two liter bottle available for a worm farm on a Monday morning in May. My second thought was, it's May! I do not want a worm farm in May. It's only a seventy-thirty chance that sucker will actually make it into the house. It will probably die in the back row of the mini-van under 35 weeks of precious art projects and book report shadow boxes that are all trying to make their way home this week. I'll find the dead worms in mid July when the temp hits 126 degrees in the back of the mini van and it will be ugly. Ugly.
Luckily for Emily it's May, National Mediocrity Month, so I had yet to throw away my mom's half empty 2 liter bottle of Diet Seven-Up from her visit in April. Score! Yea for May! Unfortunately Emily wasn't as lucky finding socks to wear. I swear half our socks have of run off into the woods for spring mating rituals, leaving behind their former mates. I have tried to convince Emily that wearing one crew sock and one knee socks is fashion forward. She's not buying it. The school uniform requirements that only allow for white socks and gym shoes every day ... of... the... week.. are becoming so oppressive to me that I'm considering laying myself across the carpool lane in protest with a sign that says, "Have Mercy on us. Let the children wear sandals."
A few weeks ago I started buying five packs of white crew socks at the grocery store. I'm just considering them disposal at this point. (Sadly Emily wore a pair on Saturday so hence the chaos this morning). I have plenty of money in my grocery budget for the socks because let's be real - the organic baby carrots and individual hummus packs of January are long gone. I can't even make myself look at what the girls are packing for lunch these days. I open their lunch boxes only enough to throw in an ice pack. I try to avert my eyes.
My biggest fear is that Jamie Oliver will show up at my girls' school during the month of May and start filming a new season of Food Revolution. I just know they would pick Emily. I can see some childless-twenty-something film assistant saying, "Let's interview the little girl with one sock and an empty two liter soda bottle." Jamie would cozy up to Emily and ask if he could see what she has in in her lunch box. It would make for great TV as Emily unpacked her cheese stick, yogurt (probably Boston creme pie or orange creamicle flavor because I have no fight left in me), fritos, and a "granola bar" (aka candy bar sold in the cereal aisle). Nutritional analysis would that her lunch had 4% of her daily needed vitamins. Of course Jaime would want to interview the mother. He'd be directed to the carpool lane.... She's the one laying in the street.
Jaime and crew would come and find me. I'd try to tell him about the really awesome lunches I packed back in October with scripture based notes of encouragment... but now it is May. May. I just know Jamie would understand - for pete's sake he has four kids! "Bloody May," he'd say. I'd promise to feed the girls fresh spinach and watermelon and green beans come June. Surely as a father who named his children Daisy Boo, Buddy Bear, Petal Blossom, and Poppy Honey, Jamie has just enough hippie in him to join in my protest. Jamie Oliver and I would lay in the carpool lane together and share recipes and it would be perfect.
But if Jamie never arrives and joins me for a protest, it will be okay, because it's May, and everything doesn't have to be perfect - it just has to be mediocre. I celebrate that because June is coming and momma's we've nearly made it through another school year. We've packed 9 million lunches, and listened to 6 zillion spelling words and multiplication facts. We found George Washington costumes at 10:00 pm on a Sunday night and show-and-tell items in our glove compartment while safely driving through the drop off line. We've rocked it - and now it's nearly over. Celebrate your month of mediocrity - it is well deserved!