I love the saying "We are the company we keep." Like my grandmother's sayings, it's true. There was a season in my life that if you'd listened in on my conversations with friends you'd have heard three conversation repeated over.. and over.
1. I am exhausted. I have to do _________.
2. Pete doesn't understand how hard it is to be a stay-at-home mom.
3. My kids are driving me crazy.
The majority of my conversations focused on complaints, and the majority of my friends were very happy to follow suit. I was the company I kept, because I chose to keep company with women who shared in my pity party. They confirmed and fueled my negative tendency, and I liked it.
I know that if the Lord had not redirected my path, I would still be in that place because my sinful nature is negative, it loves to find something to complain about. Ugh ... the flesh.
Does any of that ring true to you? Today I'm starting a series about what our friends are saying about us. In this series we'll look at what our friends are saying about our marriages, our faith, and our priorities. Why what our friends are saying? Because we are the company we keep.....
Today let's talk about what our friends are saying about our marriage.
Over the last few years the Lord has taken my hand and whispered in my ear:
"Forget about what's happened; Don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand new. "
Isaiah 43: 18-19 (The Message)
God started to tune my ear to my conversations about my marriage. I started to hear, to really hear, the negativity of my own words against Pete. I also started to hear the words and hearts of some new women, women who were saying very different things than my core friends were saying about their marriages. These woman started an important shift in me about the way I think and talk about my husband. I'd like to introduce you to three of those women:
Jinny Mudd is the funniest woman I know. Spend a little time with her and your mascara will be running down your face and you'll be trying not to pee your pants - she's just that funny. But woven in her humor is the heart of a women bent on the mission of giving her husband an incredible life. This summer five of us friends spent the weekend together. One night she shared that she hopes to engrave on her husband's tombstone:
His Cup Run'th Over
While she had us laughing when she shared her mission, it didn't take long for the conversation to turn serious. Why? Because frankly that thought had never occurred to the rest of us. What would my marriage look like if I had the mission of giving Pete an incredible life?
This summer our Uncle Johnny passed away. During the days after, his wife, Aunt Betty, shared with me that she had no regrets. No regrets. What an incredible thing to be able to say after a life shared together. Don't you want to be able to say that?
I have no regrets.
His Cup Run'th Over.
At the end of my marriage, I know I won't regret the complaining I didn't do. If I want to have no regrets, I have to focus on the good, live in gratitude, and work on me. Wouldn't it be helpful to have some kindred spirits to do that with?
One of the first people I met when I moved to Raleigh was Tara Furman. Meeting Tara for coffee was my indoctrination to the south. Tara is sweet tea, and Chick-fil-A, and Jesus all wrapped up into one. Meeting Tara let this Western girl know she was going to be okay in the South. (Bless her heart)
You can have one cup of coffee with Tara and she'll unabashedly tell you where her marriage has been, and where the Lord has brought it. On the second cup of coffee you'll find yourself spilling your guts about your own role in your marriage and what you can work on. During the third cup of coffee (if it takes that long), Tara will invite you into a gathering of women who are changing up their conversation of marriage. She'll invite you to join her and 75+ women who gather monthly at Knowing God Ministry luncheons. You see Tara doesn't just have a vision for her marriage, she has a vision for OUR marriages. A vision that starts with our lives transformed by Jesus.
Through the redeeming power of Jesus, we can live out marriages with abundant love... so that we'll have no regrets...
and we can say "His Cup Run'th Over"
What a shift! The beautiful thing is - when that happens I believe it will be said of us:
Her Cup Run'th Over
That's something that never would have been said by remaining in my place of complaints, negativity and whining. Because of these women, and others, what I say about my marriage is very different these days. Because of what I say, my marriage is very different these days.
What do your friends say about your marriage? Do your conversations focus on how your husband forgot to take the trash out this morning, or that last night he gave the kids their baths? Do your conversations focus on what he's doing, or on what you know you need to be doing?
I'd love to hear what your friends are saying about (and into) your marriage... please share with us one of your friends and how she is helping you in your marriage.
Live in the Raleigh area? Join Tara for the next Knowing God Ministries Luncheon .